The Sundial Humor Magazine would like to officially endorse [insert winner here] for president. We always bet on the winning horse, and that’s why we like you. You fought hard, and we’d like to congratulate you. We tried to interview you, but we’re a little slow, and we lack resources. We’d imagine you’d say something like: “Why do I care about a college comedy magazine’s endorsement” and you’d be right. You fought a close race, or maybe you didn’t, I don’t care. The point is that you’re the president. And we chose to endorse you, the winner, retroactively of course. We don’t like to look like morons. Many of our readers say, “Sunny, why did you choose to endorse somebody too late, why even endorse someone at all?” and that’s a valid concern. To the winner of the presidential race, we’d like to congratulate you. More importantly ourselves, because we are so good at predicting the future.
Donald trump go fuck yourself.