1. “Suck my wiener, Herod. You stupid idiot.” -Jesus Christ as a baby
  2. “Go the fuck to sleep before I curb stomp you.” -Santa Claus
  3. “This holiday isn’t for your kind.” -Bing Crosby
  4. “Santa isn’t real.” -My dad
  5. “The wearer waives any and all right to any previous identity.”- Some punk bitch elf from the hit Disney movie A Santa Clause, starring Tim Allen
  6. “It was not until now, when the bright faces of his former self and dick were turned from them, that he remembered the Ghost.” -Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
  7. “People who aren’t like us ruin Christmas.” -My uncle this past Thanksgiving

-Brad Rinehart, Contributor