It’s three in the morning and you’ve been up on a coke binge for three days straight. You’re lucky you even own a clock because you spent all your cash on blow. Time has gotten away from you. It’s okay, we’ve all been there. We’ve all spent time in the corner of our bedroom in the fetal position, too coked out of our minds to form a complete sentence. Some people might call it a problem. Me? Well, I call it a “life”style. Anyways, you’re a piece of shit loser and you’ve probably thought these all before:

  1. I wonder if I should go to bed
  2. Maybe more cocaine will help me fall asleep
  3. Cuddle with me
  4. Fuck that, sleep is for the weak. Let’s do more coke
  5. I should smoke on my porch
  6. I should eat a whole pack of cigarettes
  7. I need to punch something
  8. I’m going to tear out all of the copper pipe from my walls and sell it for more coke
  9. I will hate fuck my fist through this wall; I just need more coke
  10. Time is an illusion. Snort more coke. Nothing is permanent. The volume of my nostrils is too small to ingest the amounts of coke I want. Even ideas die. COLUMBIAN BAM BAM. That is the one great truth. Cocaaaaaaaaaaaine. I have two choices. If I rip out a coke addict’s liver, can I grind it up and snort it to get high

Embrace death. Livers don’t do that. Or accept the inevitability and do whatever you want, because you are doomed to die.

*snort*

–Adam Hribar, Senior Staff Member “drugs are solutions, not problems”