In the twenty-first century, it is often hard to be a passionate and intense lover. With these six tips, you will learn how to do sex so good that your lover will high-five you and say, “geez, good sex.”
1) Be Honest – The most important way to intensify the sexy times is to be honest. Remain open to your partner in the face of their unrelenting desire to bring a live and rabid knife-wielding crab into your bed. Tell your sex partner, “No thank you, I would prefer to not have a live and rabid knife-wielding crab in our sex bed.”
2) Lubrication – A lot of doing sex so good comes from making sure everything is properly lubricated. Should you find that you are not, promptly end the love-making by saying, “I am now promptly ending the love-making so that I may acquire proper lubrication,” and then rub an oozing slug all over your body.
3) Sensual Music – Nothing helps set the mood more than playing some baby-making music. This music varies from fuckers to fuckers, but what scientists say never fails to do the trick is the sensuous croons of award-winning yodel master Franzl Lang. As soon as you hit play, be prepared for a good sexual session.
4) Try New Positions – If things are getting stale in the bedroom, don’t be afraid to try new positions. Mixing it up will allow you and your partner to explore each other’s bodies and sexual interests.
5) Try New Positions – Another way to sexify your sex is to change political positions. Are you a stout Conservative? Switch to being a steadfast Liberal! Do you believe that multiculturalism is a plague upon our society? Don’t do that!
6) Introduce Another Partner – For some people, the only way to do a good sex is to introduce another partner into the fray. If you think that you fall into this category, suggest to your partner that you would like to introduce a live and rabid knife-wielding crab into your fuck-throne. If your partner does not want to do that, then you are probably not sexually compatible. Shake hands, say your goodbyes, and find someone who wants to do good sex.