COLUMBUS – After over 10 hours of deliberation, The Ohio State Board of Trustees and Michael V. Drake have decided to place Head Coach Urban Meyer in timeout for three minutes. “I agree with and respect the decision of the President,” Meyer mumbled, looking at his shoes. “Even if it means I have to stop playing Xbox for a little bit.” Meyer then trudged towards Ohio Stadium, where his timeout chair was reportedly placed facing directly towards Morrill Tower. At press time, Urban claimed he “wasn’t aware” of Shelley Meyer and Courtney Smith’s text conversations because he’d blocked Shelley’s number after she made fun of him at the school dance.
Written by Ryan Wires, Vice President