Starting this semester at random, The Ohio State University will begin a new construction project that calls for a chain-link fence to border the entirety of campus and every single building imaginable. This means any persons on campus at the time will have no way of getting out and persons off-campus will have no way of getting in. Whatever building you are in during the project’s commencement is the building you are stuck in, so university officials are advising faculty and students to “choose wisely.”
The new project has also raised concern whether or not thousands of enrolled students will graduate on time. Unfortunately for these students, this project will do just that. While there is no exact completion date for the construction, sources from project managers estimate that this will delay graduations by “one to ??? years” for students. At the very least, the newest freshman class will have iPads to keep them entertained.
Regarding food and necessities, Ohio State is proud to announce that they have partnered with Target to airdrop Market Pantry branded snacks and items exclusively from their dollar section via helicopter.
These helicopters will also be used to transport the football team to games and practices as they are the only ones granted access to come and go freely. Anyone initially trapped in Morrill or Lincoln will promptly be transported to Ohio Stadium to ensure there is a student section. All other ticket holders will be able to access the stadium through a very large ladder that will be put out every game day.
When asking students their final thoughts on the project, second-year student, Brett H. commented, “Dear God, I hope I’m not in Independence 100 when this all starts.” At this point and going forward, all students like Brett can do is hope as time and change will surely show how firm that chain-link fence… O-HI-O!
Written by Mary Lavelle, Social Media Expert