You’ve tried the McRib and you’ve lined up for the Szechuan sauce, but this week, McDonald’s unveiled their viral creation: the McCain, an All-American burger for All-American white men, featuring a signature grill mark in the shape of Senator John McCain’s face and a special Maverick sauce made from actual women’s tears. Got kids? Try the Happy Meal Version! The mini McCain comes with signature memorial toys, such as the You Tried! presidential campaign certificate and the DIY Vietnamese prison box. For one lucky young Republican, you could win McCain’s actual Purple Heart, stolen by McDonald’s own Hamburglar last weekend.
The feedback about the heroic menu addition has been divided, to say the least. “This burger is the best darndest Americanest burger I’ve ever eaten. I feel the patriotism with every bite,” one man remarked, as ketchup dripped from his face to his camo shirt. Other customers feel that this delicious burger isn’t as tasteful. “As a vegan socialist, I’m offended by the meat celebration of this man’s life,” declared a West Coast hipster, as she constructed her deconstructed coffee.
However divisive, Kenny the cashier boy states that the McCain burger will be available through the end of 2018, unlike former Senator John McCain.
Written by Alicia Bao, Adam Goecke, Molly Haines, and Josh