We get it. Parenting is tough, and sometimes you just need to take the edge off a little bit. Trying to get your buzz up without your kids becoming raging alcoholics like Mommy and Daddy? Here’s six fun-for- the-whole-family tips to do just that.
1. Little Baby Benjamin doesn’t want to drink his milk? Solve two problems at once by getting Mommy her own sippy cup too. Not only will this encourage Baby Benjamin to drink from his, you’ll get a much-needed relief from stress as well!
2. Need a way to relax after a hot day without the kids getting suspicious? Wake up at 5am and pour vodka into an ice cube tray. After a full day of fun at the park, prepare some drinks for everyone. Simply place your homemade vodka ice cubes into your drink, and life is good!
3. Eyeing that bottle of tequila but Johnny won’t stop nagging you to play catch? Just put your kids in timeout on some impromptu, made up charges. You’ve just bought yourself 15 minutes of “me time” for 15 shots!
4. Being forced to go on another Cub Scout hike with your son that you won’t be able to survive without alcohol? Buy a CamelBak to teach the young, enthusiastic hikers the importance of staying hydrated. Simply fill it with Hennessey and you’re ready for that 20 miler!
5. Feel your family is slowly starting to drift apart? Bring everyone back together with a fun family game of Cup Ping Pong. Tell your kids you’ve come up with this brand new game yourself, which everyone is sure to love. Why do Daddy’s cups smell funny? Don’t worry Timmy, just shut up and play.
6. Are none of these working, with your kids beginning to catch on? Don’t worry, you can always send your kids off to college. You will finally be able to drink in peace, knowing your kids will have no exposure to alcohol. Bonus points if they become friends with all the good, pure Catholic girls!