Another American icon has been claimed by the horridness of the last year. Beloved metallic haired titan of journalism and Christian women who are warming up to the whole gay thing, Anderson Cooper, has lost some of the signature tint in his hair. The blame is to be put on the current presidential administration, as the stress of covering it has reportedly sent Cooper into duress.
Cooper’s shimmery locks are yet another casualty of the last year. The stress of the state of the world has taken many a victim, from Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande’s engagement to Ariana Grande’s iconic ponytail.
CNN issued a statement saying, “We apologize for Mr. Cooper’s slight loss of sexual appeal and are working hard to rectify that situation. In the meantime, we ask you to tune into Jake Tapper’s show, who has been closing in on a silver fox title since the 2016 election was called.”
UPDATE 4:55PM – Many gays have gathered around CNN headquarters in protest of their suggestion to watch Tapper, carrying signs with phrases like, “We won’t tap Tapper” and “AnderSon? More like AnderDaddy” We will keep you updated as the story unravels.
Written by Quinn Wright, Staff Writer