1. Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize!
Bold accessories are all the rage this Fall. A pair of statement earrings can totally transform any outfit. If clunky jewelry isn’t really your thing, don’t fret! A fancy scarf is always a good idea. I recommend this scarf made from authentic golden retriever fur, which you can find on etsy! Your crush will definitely ask to pet that “cute dog” you’re holding.
2. Less is More
In past years, Fall fashion has been all about layering. This year, however, brands are really embracing the “Less is More” approach. Being able to throw on just one article of clothing is incredibly convenient for busy days. Try a sweater dress or, if it’s a special occasion, opt for a single maple leaf to cover your lady bits. You look good, Eve! Go out there and find your sexy Adam (or Adamette).
3. The Holier, The Better
No, I’m not talking about shirts with cut-outs or ripped jeans. I’m talking about HOLY clothing. If your outfit doesn’t have a realistic image of Jesus on the cross, you are committing a crime against the fashion industry. Not a fan of christianity? Try these Star of David nipple covers instead. My pasties bring all the Nice Jewish Boys to the yard, am I right ladies?
4. Don’t Forget to Keep Warm!
When it comes to Fall fashion, comfort is key. Shivering in your uninsulated sweater is never a good look. Remember, there are no rules to fashion, so zip up that jacket made from your annoying neighbor Fred’s skin, and go treat yourself to a pumpkin spice latte. You look good, trust me! Your crush never liked Fred much, anyway.
Alright ladies, that’s all the fashion advice I have for today! Stay tuned for my upcoming piece: How to Convince that Special Someone that You’re not a Psychopath!
Written by Claire Ockner, Contributor