(St. Louis, MO)- John Lavine, Department Head of the St. Louis Office of sanitation, made a public announcement regarding his resignation from his position. This shocked many community members, but not as much as they were shocked by why Mr. Lavine was resigning. John, 35, testified, “I’m speaking the truth: sitting down to pee is much better than standing.” He continued, “I can just relax, be on my phone, and I don’t have to worry about aiming.” The crowd fell into an uproar of insults, telling John to “Piss off” and “eat shit”.
Through the insults, Lavine persisted, “I don’t have to waste any time deciding if I have to shit or not, I just plop down and let it all flow.” He ventured to propose that, “You guys just pretend to like standing up to pee, because if you don’t, insecure men will make fun of you, so you pretend to like it.”
Fellow officials refused to stand for John’s position, such as Richard Wazinski, who proceeded to explain that the department of sanitation is no place for “sissy little girls who sit to pee.”
Richard and other department members forced John to excuse himself from his station after he was found perched on the edge of a urinal.
Written by Idris Malik, Staff Writer