For better or worse, I will remember this period of our history as being dominated by two figures: President Donald J Trump, and my ex-wife Brenda. They may lead very different lives, but you would never be able to tell from their words. Take the quiz and see if you can tell which quotes are from the President and which are from my ex-wife!

1. “My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well documented, are various other parts of my body.”

Would you believe it, this one’s Donald Trump! Gross, right?

2. “I’m sorry, I just don’t love you anymore. The you I fell in love with died years ago, and I’ve just been shuffling forward with whatever corpse I’m talking to right now. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.”

And the correct answer is…My ex-wife! Can you believe it? I sure couldn’t!

3. “.@ariannahuff is unattractive both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man — he made a good decision.”

Aaaaaand it’s Donald Trump. Real classy Mr. President. Making fun of the end of a marriage? That’d be like if my brother-in-law called me a “goofy little fool” after Brenda moved in with him. Insult to injury!

4. “No, it’s not that I’m not attracted to you. It’s more like…I don’t see anything when I look at you. It feels like I’m in the bathroom, and I’m trying to look into the mirror, but they took the mirror down, and now I’m just staring at the wall like the mirror’s still there. There’s no reflection. There’s nothing. And I just. Keep Staring. Waiting for it and it never comes.”

Who could’ve said this? If you said my ex-wife, you’re right! If you said “Brenda would never say that to you” then apparently you’d be wrong.

5. “My name is Donald Trump, and I am running for President of the United States of America.”

-said by…Donald Trump! This one was tricky, because one time my Ex-Wife Brenda said “My name is Brenda and I am running for President of your heart” and she won the electoral college of my soul in a landslide.

6. “So I just got off the phone with my mom. You’ve been calling her?! What the fuck is wrong with you? I get this is hard for you, but could you try acting like an adult for once in your life? Call her one more time and I’ll extend the restraining order to the rest of the family, not just the kids. Goodbye, FOREVER.”

Hahaha it’s Brenda hahaha.

7. “I do.”

Said by Brenda at our wedding. She said a lot of things that day, but I guess they didn’t mean anything.

8. “Please, come back. I know I’ve made some mistakes, but I’m willing to change. I’ll give therapy another shot, I’ll quit my job at the firm and spend everyday with you. Every morning you’ll wake up to a freshly made breakfast and a man who loves you, you just have to give us another chance.”

Trump or Brenda? NEITHER! It’s actually me! It was a trick question! Brenda please come back to me! I’m sorry I cheated on you with that Wicked Witch of The East cosplayer!

Written by Zack White, Contributor