You know how every once in a while, you hear that weird screeching noise coming from the bathroom downstairs and two trains of thought start running through your head? On the one hand, you’re thinking “Wow, I sure hope my best friend isn’t getting murdered Psycho-style down there” but on the other hand, you’re wondering if she isn’t just belting her heart out to Kate Bush’s debut song, “Wuthering Heights,” inspired by the Emily Bronte book of the same name. It’s pretty hard to tell the difference between the two, but luckily we’ve got just the trick for such a dilemma. This quiz is the definitive guide to determining what’s really going on in the shower, and whether you need to phone emergency services or just go back to sleep.

How would you describe your roommate’s style?

  1. Pretty classic, mostly sweaters and jeans
  2. It’s hard to describe; sometimes she’s in a red dress with flowers, other times she’s in basically the same dress but it’s white and glowing somehow??

Has your roommate ever expressed interest in running across wiley windy moors (or another similar activity)?

  1. No, never. Who would do that?
  2. Every morning she gracefully interpretive dances out the door and glides into the median with wild abandon, so, yes

What style of bangs does your roommate have?

  1. She’s got those trendy wispy bangs, it’s very French of her
  2. THICK HEAVY BANGS

Does your roommate have more than 2 internet tabs about Kate Bush open on her phone right now?

  1. Uhhh…no?
  2. She has 4 open on Safari and was just looking her up on Pinterest

What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever walked in on your roommate doing?

  1. Maybe TMI but I did walk in on her h*ving s*x once
  2. Definitely the time she was lying face-first on the floor sobbing while “Tonya Harding (in D major)” by Sufjan Stevens played softly in the background

 

If you got mostly As, your roommate is almost definitely being murdered by a slasher in the shower right now! Go get her! 

If you got mostly Bs, your roommate is just singing “Wuthering Heights” by Kate Bush. What a relief! You should still probably go get her though; she’s clearly not doing well.

Written by Francesca Varga, Secretary