(We received this submission via a Gatorade bottle containing a flash drive containing a link to a YouTube video and an indication to read the following comment)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCNSn3n8amQ 

From Baby Take a Bow, to Curly Top, and Heidi. America’s favorite little darling Shirley Temple has been entertaining me for generations. 14 years ago, I first saw the Shirley Temple Little Darling collection infomercial. I watched it almost every day, as it always came up during the children’s programming I consumed religiously. It became ingrained into my memory. Every scene, every line, everything, word for word. I learned to love it—Shirley Temple really Was America’s little darling—and she was quickly mine.

My life was forever changed when I brought home the magic of the new Shirley Temple Little Darling DVD collection. 18 classic family films beautifully restored in black and white and in color for just two payments of $24.99. Tales of innocence, friendship, courage, hope, and love—unfolding between my very eyes. And now, you can enjoy the original black and white and the beautifully restored color versions all in one amazing DVD collection, at the most incredible price.

Days after days I ate animal crackers in my soup with Shirley. We laughed together. We danced together. We learned about life, and love, and hardship, and beauty together. All restored in Black and White, and in Color!

Years later, things turned bleak. My CD is very worn. Some days it won’t even play. I can feel Shirley’s Soul slowly draining itself from mine. I am weaker. I don’t know how much longer I can go without Shirley. These priceless movies could lift a nation during the worst of times—they give me my strength. I knew I should’ve ordered more copies. I was a fool to think I only needed one. Shirley never warned me of messing up like that. Why didn’t she? Doesn’t she love me? Why does she want to see me in pain?

If you are reading this, and you remember the joy of the Shirley Temple Little Darling DVD collection infomercial, please order it. I’d ask for someone to send me a copy—for just two payments of $24.99, plus $5.95 shipping and handling. This offer is not sold in stores so call now, rush delivery available—but I don’t think it’ll make it in time. I can tell I will soon shuffle off this mortal coil. 

There’s nothing left for me here. 

All I ask is that you cherish Shirley, as I did. She doesn’t deserve to be alone. 

Farewell

Discovered by Idris Malik