We’ve all been there. You need an extra 2% in your lab component to clinch that sweet C-. 

There are a few days left in the semester. There is no room for error. So, you must gaslight your TA into thinking there’s been a mistake in your grade so that it can be swiftly corrected. 

There’s only one surefire way to get a fellow stressed undergraduate student to take pity on you and put forth the effort to write an email to the course instructor.

Scathing hate mail (in electronic form of course). 

 

Pointers:

  1. Quickly claim the moral high ground
  2. Do not admit to any personal wrongdoing
    1. See: Your father
  3. Take a verbal shit on every convention of higher education
  4. Implicitly challenge your TA’s status as a human being
  5. Threaten ominous and inconceivably implementable consequences
    1. The broader and more complex, the better 
  6. Treat the TA as simultaneously as a child and as a goldfish

 

Examples:

Don’t say: “I hope this email finds you well”

     Say: “Hello you stupid baby goldfish”

Don’t say: “Could you please see if this could be corrected”

     Say: ” Please change it you fat bitch”

Don’t say: “Thank you so much for your time”

     Say: “You are a lying weasel who deserves no oxygen” 

Overall, remember to be thorough, and don’t forget you are speaking to a lying weasel who deserves no oxygen!

–By Idris Malik, Social Media Officer