Don’t bother talking to her or making any effort at all, boys, there’s a clear strategy that new freshmen can use right now to cut right to her heart, says Melissa Perez, a relationship expert.
“If there’s a special young lady right down the hall from you, the best way to get her attention is to come up with a creative way to mess with her welcome mat,” says Perez.
Perez, bestselling author of The Naked Roommate II: How to Turn An Awkward Moment into a Night of Fun has been teaching on the subject of young adult romance for the past sixty nine years.
“This sort of playful flirting activates the prefrontal cortex, also known as the ‘blowjob’ portion of the brain, and makes her think ‘Man, if this guy is so good at duct taping my doormat to the wall, he must be good in the sack’”
She also advocates for coming into your lady of choice’s room unannounced, stealing her clothes from the laundry, and inviting her to parties that you’re not even invited to yourself. “The more time she goes to her resident advisor, the more times she is thinking of you.”
Melissa’s own son, a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin, said that he wooed his girlfriend last year by donating to her bingo board fundraiser for her sorority. However, Perez says that for freshman looking to cuff before recruiting, doormat antics is the way to go.
“The final thought I’ll leave you with,” Perez tells readers, “…if your sister says it is a bad idea, then it is a good idea.”
Written by Henry Levenberg, Staff Writer