COLUMBUS, Ohio – It’s a new semester at Ohio State, and everyone’s favorite food-delivery robots are back! Returning students will recall that the Grubhub-powered rovers were decommissioned last year after being found guilty of numerous war crimes. But due in part to the resulting public outcry, which climaxed in mass protests across the country, President Kristina M. Johnson was forced to sign a presidential pardon for the robots just last week, allowing them to return to Ohio State. The Sundial spoke to students across campus, who were eager to share their thoughts on this latest development.
“I’m so glad they’re back,” gushed Mackenzie Hanna. “I live in Morrill Tower, so I desperately need this kind of access to affordable food delivery.” When we asked Mackenzie why she didn’t dine at the Traditions located on the bottom floor of her building, she said, “What? Are you crazy?”
“This is truly a great day for our university,” commented history major Johnathon Sarbaugh. “Having them return is like seeing Napoleon sailing back from Elba. It makes me want to take up arms.”
“I love the robots,” said Megan Tannerman, a first year CSE major. “They’re so cute! I love taking selfies with them and sending the photos to my parents. They’re so glad I’m making new friends.”
But the seemingly cute and innocent food robots have had their fair share of controversy.
In September of last year a food robot was photographed facing off against an ambulance and several Columbus police vehicles. A student shared an image of the encounter on social media, but was unable to provide further details after being forced by university administrators to sign an NDA. The Sundial was able to track him down and hear the full story.
“I ordered a burrito on the Grubhub app,” sobbed the student, who requested to remain anonymous for his own safety. “When I opened the door, I saw that the rover had run over my cat! I immediately called the police and chased the robot away. But after it sped off, I saw that it was preventing the ambulance from coming down my road! My poor cat died in my arms. By that time I’d already run inside my apartment, but I could hear shouting and gunshots coming from outside.”
Students have also long-complained that the food-delivery rovers move too slowly and cause traffic jams on the sidewalks, particularly during lunch hour. Video footage from earlier this week shows one food robot being overtaken by passing butterflies. Fisher College of Business student Ben Davon, who ordered a cheese calzone from Woody’s Tavern in his sophomore year, had already graduated by the time his Grubhub delivery arrived at his office in Jordan Belfort’s Long Island firm.
“I was so excited to see one of those cute little robots again!” he told our reporters. “Of course the calzone was old and moldy, but it’s Ohio State food; you can’t really taste the difference, you know? Hey, would you be interested in investi-”
So what do YOU think? Will you be ordering a meal delivered by one of Grubhub’s little food robots anytime soon? Let us know by following us on Twitter and Instagram (@TheSundialOSU)!
Written by Wally Green, Contributor