COLUMBUS, OH – In a press conference this past Monday, Columbus mayor Andrew Ginther announced a new construction operation to boost tourism within the city of Columbus. According to Ginther, over the course of the next five years, the city expects to build a dozen more hotels located primarily along High St, with a majority clustering around the Short North district. This new project, headed by city construction manager Joe Walsh, is expected to cost the city around $2.5 billion in expenses.

“I just want to assure the people of Columbus that while this may look like a hefty price to spend on hotels, the profit this city will make off of the increased tourism will negate any outstanding expenditures. Just take it easy people.” Walsh said in a followup conference.

One hotel of interest that city goers were quick to point out was the futuristic Hotel California, set to be completed in 2025. According to early blueprints, the Hotel California is filled with deluxe amenities, and state-of-the-art accommodations for guests. Some examples include mirrors on the ceilings, and according to Joe Walsh, perhaps some pink champagne on ice.

“This truly is going to be such a lovely place,” said Walsh.

“I mean, it’s certainly a major task for me to complete. The Hotel California especially proves to be daunting. I had the idea one night when my mind was Tiffany-twisted. You see, I got into my Mercedes Benz and called up some of my friends. We ended up dancing in this courtyard and by the end of the night we were drenched in sweet summer sweat. It was then when the idea struck me. I immediately began working on the blueprint for the Hotel California, a place where you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. A first of its kind.”

When asked for further comment and some sort of explanation as to whatever he was talking about, Walsh declined and handed us a soggy piece of sourdough bread.

The Hotel California is set to open in 2025 in the Short North District of Columbus.

Written by Grant Lieberman (Esquire), Contributor