After a tumultuous past 72 hours, the Ohio State University House of Representatives (commonly referred to as the ‘Nut House’) has yet to elect a successor for outgoing president Kristina. M. Johnson. Conservative frontrunner, Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) was expected to win the election outright due to the GOP having a majority in the house, however, a small group of Republicans seem to have strong oppositions to McCarthy. After thirteen consecutive votes for president, the house has yet to elect a new president, a feat which hasn’t taken this long for over a hundred years. One such voice of opposition comes from Matt Gaetz (R-FL), who claims that he will only settle on McCarthy if a certain set of deals are met. Representatives for Gaetz have refused to say outright what these terms of agreement may be, but inside sources have leaked that issues involving the way holiday lights are wrapped around trees at Mirror Lake and zip lines connecting Morill and Lincoln towers to central campus are must haves.

“I think this whole ordeal is ridiculous,” said McCarthy while sipping on a glass of Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon.

“First off, I’m the most Ohioan a person can get,” McCarthy added while wearing a throwback Philip Rivers jersey.

“Second, I understand that I’m no Kristina M. Johnson. What I am though is a fighter. And whether it takes another day, weeks, or months, I am confident that I will be elected president of The Ohio State University.”

The Nut House currently sits in a recess until noon on Monday, and while Republicans are scurrying to find the necessary votes to elect McCarthy, Democrats have stood united around freshman congressman Henry Levenberg (D-PA). Levenberg, who came into the Buckeye political spotlight late last year as a struggling comedian, is hoping to win over the votes of two or three Republicans in order to pull off a major political upset. With that said, Kevin McCarthy is still confident that he will receive the necessary votes in order to win Johnson’s seat. Before breaking for recess, McCarthy left the following words,

“It reminds me of what my father always told me: it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. And now we have to finish for the Ohio State community.”

Note: It should be on record that Henry Levenberg responded to McCarthy’s closing remarks with an audible ‘That’s What She Said!’ which was immediately followed by a shower of boos from both sides of the aisle. A true face of bipartisanship.

Written by Grant Lieberman, Contributor