Ohio State fans were disappointed by an empty sky at this weekends long awaited football game. The university’s beloved blimp was shockingly missing.
This past Saturday the Buckeyes got demolished by the Arkansas State Red Wolves after an excruciatingly long season of consecutive losses. However, the embarrassing final score was not close to the most upsetting part of the game. Students and fans were quick to notice the missing blimp, and they lost it.
Post-game interviews with students found the severity of the disappointment. Some went as far as saying they’d drop out of the university. While others emphasized the importance of of the blimp, saying “it was like church without the cross”.
Shortly after the game, Goodyear released a statement explaining that the blimp had been grounded by University Officials because reasons they were “contractually unauthorized to disclose.”
When contacted for a comment, University officials cited “parents’ concerns regarding the blimp.” University Student government also spoke up on the issue and revealed that many parents have taken a firm stance against blimps. Many parents felt it was inappropriate to have a blimp flying over the stadium as it may be a sensitive topic balloon lovers following the recent tragedy in South Carolina. A group of parents reportedly wrote a letter to University Officials stating seeing a blimp was “triggering” and “down right disrespectful when balloon lovers are already suffering the loss of the beloved spy balloon shot by the higher ups”.
In an exclusive interview with Sundial Detectives, an anonymous source close to the University President revealed that Johnson’s dog ‘Exxon Mobil’ was terrified of the blimp. The source went on to say “…oh yeah the parents thing was fake, the non-stop barking just annoyed the fuck out of her.”
Written by Sia Sindhwani, Contributor