It’s Wednesday night, 11:15 pm to be exact. The tablet sitting in front of you has been on the same page since 8:30 pm. 2 hours and 45 minutes ago. As each minute passes and the closer you get to going to the next page, an ominous sound comes from your phone. Vroom, vroom, vroom. It doesn’t stop until you eventually pick it up. You do and you see 15,000 notifications from several applications. Including but not limited to 508 Instagram, 75 texts from your mom, 100 calls from your grandma, at least 13,000 of those notifications are from your club group chat, and many many more.
It’s a horrendous illness that is sweeping the nation. Kids are losing the ability to read every minute of the day, yet millions of young American adults are admitted to college every year. We are living in a twisted dystopia in which kids take at least 7 hours to read a full page of a book, but are able to read 100 paragraphs on an Instagram page within those same 7 hours. As a concerned student with young siblings of her own who are unfortunately struggling with the same thing, I believe there is a good solution that could fix all of society’s problems. We destroy the books. First, we evacuate all students and professors from their dorms and classrooms. Then we set those dreaded textbooks on fire. No more children learning those “critical race theory” junk and definitely no more of the horrid gendered crap! Then we get plastic surgery, change our names, run away from the country and we vow to never speak of this event again, while plotting our next move to destroy every horrid textbook in the tri state area. Our children will be saved once for all!
In conclusion, schools and many other institutions are the real problem. As we all know, modern schools have been failing dopamine deficient students for years. It’s time to let the world know that the true evil of reading is now and they need a safe space to be themselves, which can also mean they need a safe space to read Instagram posts and reels. The only real safe learning space for our youth.
Written by Stephanie Griffin