WEXNER MEDICAL CENTER – A big health update from Seth Askope who unfortunately fell into a coma after a car hit him on his bike as he rode to his hookup’s apartment on High Street. “It was such a tragedy,” commentates Seth’s mother, “he was such a bright light in our world. Why did he need to hit it and quit it?!”
We were lucky enough to witness Seth’s first moments as he was woken back up by his medical team. After a few moments, Seth was finally able to regain the ability to sit upright, and then things took an… odd turn.
“He ran for President?!” Seth yelled across the room taking note of the MSNBC broadcast.
“Who did, honey?” replied Mrs. Askope.
“Donald Trump, you know, the guy from The Apprentice and all of those failed business capitals”.
That was when our ground team had to explain everything that Seth had missed the last ten years. I was lucky enough to get a tell-all from Seth about his dark times in his coma. Here are just a few of the questions I was able to ask him:
Me: “Do you remember anything from the last ten years?”
Seth: “So you are telling me, Donald Trump, a man with no political experience became the president of these United States and gave a deadly disease to over 100 million Americans.”
Me: “That is correct. What has been the most shocking cultural shift since you have woken up?”
Seth: “Oh I don’t know… MAYBE THAT DONALD J. TRUMP WAS THE 45TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. I mean I guess other than that Tiktok is pretty wild.”
Me: “Ok. Is there anything you miss from the 2010s?”
Seth: “Of course, I miss Blackberries, silly bands, the Office, Gangnam Style, and most importantly, DONALD JOHN TRUMP NOT BEING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.”
Me: “Thank you so much, Seth. You can get the rest of this interview on my Patreon, and remember to vote on November 5th so people like Seth do not have to suffer another 4 years.”
Seth: “WAIT HE’S RUNNING AGAIN?!”
Written by Sydney Katznelson