COLUMBUS—A new survey put out today by the Lantern reveals that 8 out of 10 OSU English professors teach novels that you’ve never heard of and can’t bother to pronounce in order to prove the superiority of the English department. Additionally, the study finds that only 1 in 20 students have actually read a single page of the classic canon, though 6 in 10 claim to have thoroughly studied the cannon.
The survey goes on to discuss another shocking revelation, this time in the College of Nursing that the Lantern terms the ‘Grey’s Anatomy scandal’. This survey uncovered that 90% of nursing students learned their medical procedure and terminology through the ABC drama. In this age of internet plagiarism and open sourced answers, students need to be on high alert for classmates that flout the homework in favor of home remedies. Accusations are sweeping the University including allegations that Chinese majors have been learning take-out menus instead of linguistic nuances.
Representatives from the English and Nursing departments declined an interview, but a representative from the Philosophy department reached out to give their opinion on the ethics of the case. However, philosophy is already about making up answers to fake questions, so the author of this article declined to carry out the interview.
Written by Hannah Wagner, Senior Staff Writer