We’ve all been there. You passed a rest stop 7 miles back, knowing full well that you had to pee. In doing so, with the next rest stop 63 miles away, you just secured yourself a golden reason to pee in a bottle while you drive. You’ve been wanting this your whole life, so when you finally decide to release the stream, be prepared with one of these:
Kroger water bottle:
You know you have one. You know you should recycle it. But Reusing is just as good, if not better.
Milk Gallon:
It has a large capacity, a handle, and is widely available. It also has a date on it, to approximately time stamp the completion of a lifelong bucket list item.
Hydro Flask:
The insulation factor is a big plus, but doesn’t compare to how great it will sound when it rattles around the car after you swerve to hit a raccoon.
Tupperware:
The best way to store things you want to enjoy later.
Beer bottle:
If someone comes across the aftermath, and you don’t want to admit you pissed in a bottle, you can pretend that it’s an open container of alcohol. And a cop pulls you over and tries to call you on it, tell him to drink it. You’ll be absolved! Trust me, I saw it in a movie once.
Straw:
A metal one, of course. Help save the sea turtles. And the metal will complement the warm, salty syrup you return to your body.
Condom:
We both know you have these for some reason. We both know you won’t be using them the way they should be used anytime soon. So you might as well pee in it, tie it, and whack your friend with it while praying it doesn’t (or does) burst.
Of course, you could piss in almost anything. One time I used a cardboard pizza box and someone thought it was garlic sauce. They don’t eat garlic sauce anymore for some reason. Don’t limit yourself, and happy pissing!
Written by David Karow