Most people love their grandparents. Who wouldn’t? But unfortunately, a lot of people don’t know how to spend time with them. And with their death encroaching, making sure to cherish those special moments can stress you out. So, here are some ideas if you want to make every single second with your grandparents count.
Conning.
Because your grandparents are likely old, they will not be a threat to anyone. With people’s guards down, it will be much easier to manipulate them. Any con involving your grandparents is sure to rake in big bucks! Cons where one (or both) grandparents fake their death are really compelling. It is often that the swindled will buy a coffin because they feel so bad. This will save a lot of money when your grandparents do actually die, as you will have a stash of coffins, hopefully, by that point.
Drug-Trafficking.
Similar to conning, drug trafficking with your grandparents works because people won’t expect criminal behavior from 80-year-olds. Drug trafficking can be very lucrative and very fun, if done correctly. Because your grandparents’ bodies are deteriorating, it will be important to utilize their strengths. For example, if your grandpa has no prostate, he will be less likely to get sexually aroused by a heroin balloon (this is good). If your grandma has a pacemaker, feel free to ask airport security that she not get scanned by the metal detector (allowing the potential for weapons smuggling).
Threesome!
Having a threesome with your grandparents is not for the faint-of-heart, and will likely take some practice. To sharpen your skills, I recommend organizing orgies at various nursing homes in preparation. After a few months of this (assuming your grandparents are still alive), you should be ready to bring these skills to your grandparents’ bedroom, where you will likely encounter smells, sounds, and sights you wish you hadn’t. But, the payoff is worth it. Like making a gourmet pie, fucking your grandparents takes time, hard work, and special ingredients from the internet. Some people receive joy from delivering babies; to bring someone into this world is truly a huge accomplishment and very fulfilling. Some people love volunteering; helping others can bring much meaning to someone’s life. And I’m not saying that stuff is less important. But, just imagine the look on both your grandma’s and grandpa’s faces when you deliver them a thunderous orgasm at the same time. It will surely be an experience you (and they) will not soon forget.
So, there you have it! A few great ways to say goodbye to your grandparents before they are sent off to the gates of heaven where, if you followed this list correctly, they will surely be denied entrance. Sure, this list of activities will secure both you and your grandparents a spot in hell, but at least you’ll get to cherish those special memories for eternity—even if that eternity is spent in fiery misery.
Written by Mike Rophallus, Contributor