LOS ANGELES, CA — After the blockbuster success of movie hit No Time to Die, Eon Productions has announced last month that a sequel is in the works.
Though Daniel Craig’s replacement has not been announced, sources inside have told us that the latest picture will co-star Jordan Peterson as the latest in a long line of Bond villains.
“I’m so glad to hear that my favorite Canadian ex-professor, right-wing psychologist finally broke into the Hollywood elite,” says Jeremy Swanson, a Proud Boy who hopes to also make the cast of the film.
“In this film, Peterson will lead his famed band of incels to defeat the villainy of left-wing politics that Bond, he-slash-him, promotes,” said Michael G. Wilson, head of Eon.
Producers say that Chris Pine’s character portrayal in Olivia Wilde’s Don’t Worry Darling inspired them to reach out to Peterson’s representatives, who then quickly took the job following his resignation from the University of Toronto.
Eon has noted that they hope the production of their film will go smoother than Wilde’s film.
James Bond, who will likely be played by straight Pete Buttigieg, represents everything that Peterson’s fanbase hates – climate change, equal pay, and having sex.
Producers have notably been silent about who the next star will be, however, but noted that it will make Jordan Peterson’s character cry a lot on set.
Written by Henry Levenberg, Vice President