Washington DC has seen many firsts over the years in the ever-renewing campaigns for freedom and equality. Last week, in response to the arrival of the new season of The Walking Dead, an organization of zombies led the first ever public rally for equal representation of the undead in the media.
“We’ve transcended the stereotype that we hunger for human flesh, but we’ve been silenced by the broadcasting companies’ fear that our outward appearances will frighten viewers and ruin the visual integrity of television,” declared their charismatic spokeswoman, twelve-years-undead Cecelia Masters, at the demonstration.
The complaint of the Undead Americans Association focuses mainly on the complete lack of zombie citizens in popular reality programming. The Association feels the absence of zombie participants included in any of the top reality programs serves to belittle the contribution zombies can make to a diverse nation. The zombies are also concerned that if their children do not see representatives of their kind on television, they will feel disillusioned from the society in which they live.
A testimony was delivered by Undead American Marcus Tanner, who spoke passionately about his dream to find love on the popular ABC reality program The Bachelor. “I long for a society that accepts every form of love. I won’t stop fighting for my rights until I see the day where I have the opportunity to be chosen as The Bachelor, just like any other man, and find my soul mate among the contestants. And on that day, the contestants would include living and dead women, each just as beautiful as any of the others.”
“My daughter cries herself to sleep at night because she is not allowed to prove herself against the other girls on TLC’s Toddlers and Tiaras. The point is not that she isn’t able to win- it’s that she’s not even permitted to compete. That has to change,” another speaker declared, choking back tears of her own.
“We are sick of the image of our kind being confined to living human-centric supernatural epics and fictional horror chronicles. We are everyday citizens and demand the respect of being portrayed as such on television programs grounded in stark reality,” Masters concluded at the rally.
After several hours of peaceful protest, government officials agreed to review the proposal drafted by the zombie association. This document outlines the requested amendments to the current reality program personality selection and inclusion policies.
Upon the FCC’s initial read-through of the proposal, a statement directed back to the advocates was issued, saying “a small think tank may be created to look into the diversity distribution of major networks and to consider advising a new structure that allows for undead participation”.
Television executives in general were hesitant to comment on the issue in follow-up interviews. After persistent questioning, one executive, who requested to remain anonymous, finally broke down, quoting, “There’s no way we’re putting disgusting zombies on The Bachelor! No way am I putting the idea in my daughter’s head that someday, she can marry a zombie! ” Most others have refused to comment until the FCC releases their research on the issue.
The undead campaign has assured the press that they will not back down or wait quietly. Patience will be practiced as deliberations occur, but in the meantime, the public can expect increased petitioning for zombie rights. The cause is a passionate one, and the association has made their persistence clear in Washington. The times are surely changing, and perhaps if the campaign continues with the same fervor, we might all be watching as some zombie’s dream of being crowned champion of Cupcake Wars come true.
-Ivy Decker, Staff-Writer