Do you know who I am? Probably not. I don’t believe that anyone outside my community would. But I consider myself something of a living legend on the internet. See, in real life, I’m 34 year old mother of two, living in a cramped apartment in Cleveland. But online, I’m whatever I want to be, which gives me unimaginable power. For those of you who don’t know me, my name is xX-god-tier-rose-noir-Xx, and I’m kind of a big deal.
If, by some stretch of the imagination, you are unfamiliar with my work, I’ll give you the rundown. I’m a professional fanfic writer. I have been for around four years, ever since I made my first WordPress account. Now originally I wasn’t very well known. My fanfics were too verbose, their subjects too old or obscure. One of my earliest works, and one of my favorite pieces for that matter, was a Little Mermaid shipping fic, pairing up Flotsam and Jetsam, Ursula’s evil eel henchmen. “That’s a Moray” didn’t get a single hit until I made it big. That happened when I got desperate, and did something I told myself I’d never do: I started accepting commissions.
This was a mixed bag. On one hand, my WordPress kept getting more and more viewers and my fanfictions got more and more popular. On the other hand, nearly every commission I got was for a My Little Pony slash fic. After three months, I couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped taking commissions after getting 113 new followers, and approximately $2000. That’s when I knew I could spread my wings and write the kind of stories I had always wanted to write. Thus began my golden era. I started writing some of my greatest, most highly regarded pieces. My best ideas included a Dr. Who fic concerning a romance between doctors 9-11, and my original character, the 13th doctor; a Harry Potter fic between Hermione and Vincent Crabbe; and most daring of all, an Orange is the New Black fic shipping Piper and Larry. But my great success in the field aside, I needed something more. I needed a magnum opus.
So a week ago I published my greatest piece ever, after a silence of two years. I call it “Carry on my Wayward John”, and it’s a crossover fic between Supernatural and Sherlock. Early reviews have been positive, but you don’t have to take it from me, here’s an excerpt for your reading pleasure.
Castiel slowly took off his trench coat, all the while never breaking eye contact
with this tall dark stranger looking at him.
“I believe I have a deduction to make about you.”
“Oh yeah? What could that be?”
“I don’t think you’re from this earth.”
Castiel looked down. This man had him figured out, it appears. “Oh yeah? And who are you to say something like that?”
“Holmes. Sherlock Holmes. But don’t worry, I won’t tell if you do a little something for me.”
Sherlock Grinned.
Castiel Grinned.
They proceeded to bump uglies in 73 positions.
If I don’t win awards for this piece, I’ll be sorely disappointed.
Personally, this piece is why I’ve been aiming for the stars recently, and I’ve sent this manuscript out to several publishing companies over the past few days. If my hero, E.L James can get a best-selling trilogy and a movie deal out of what started as a Twilight fanfiction, then I’m certain my writings can match the landmark 50 Shades trilogy in critical acclaim. So far I haven’t gotten any word back, but I remain ever hopeful, and I’m certain in time this will be realized as my calling. Until then, I must simply be content with my WordPress. Well anyway, I think that’s enough about me. I’ll write you again soon grandma!
Yours Truly,
xX-god-tier-rose-noir-Xx
-Allan, Staff-Writer