Students of Ohio State may have noticed a large group of people on the oval holding signs and shouting at passerby today. The meaning behind the protestors and their signs saying things like “God Hates Crabs” and “Leviticus 11:12” was biblical in nature. “I can confidently say that I believe shellfish are unnatural. The bible says it’s detestable and I don’t want anyone to be damned.” said Frank Felps, leader of the picketing. “We’re just going to have to keep doing our best to educate these people so they don’t unknowingly order chowder one day.”
Student reaction to the protest was resoundingly negative. “I just think that this is unfair. I mean there have been studies done, and like, shrimp are born shrimp. They can’t CHOOSE what they are.” said Sophomore Shane Stark. “To do stuff like this? It’s just like, not cool.”
“I think what they’re doing is completely detestable” says Senior Theresa Jager. “I went to Cape Cod one year and had the most amazing oysters. But I’ve had some really really good tuna too before. People need to figure out what they like, experiment with all kind of fish. These protestors are just afraid of what they don’t understand.”
Despite the backlash, Felps does not plan on slowing down his group’s actions. “On the contrary. Next week I plan to organize an anti-polyester protest. After all, way too many people are unknowingly sinning. We have to do what we can to make sure more people don’t get tattoos, shave, or do anything else unholy.”
-Allan, Staff-Member