For years, children who trick-or-treated at the Nelsons’ house would typically come across a bowl on the front porch that bared the sign: “Please take one.” It is reasonable that a family may be too busy to pass out treats, so leaving out candy in a dish is a common alternative. Problematically, the houses that do this method often find their supply of candy to be quickly depleted as trick-or-treaters unfortunately take more than one. However, an eye-witness disclosed that each year the Nelsons simply leave out an empty bowl with no trace of candy.
The eye-witness, who asked to remain anonymous, shared, “I was walking through the neighborhood when I saw Mrs. Nelson hesitantly come outside with an empty bowl and place a ‘Please take one’ sign beside it. She proceeded to scurry back inside as to not be seen. I waited a good fifteen minutes for her to return with candy, but she never did. I was horrified to say the least. You know, I gave them the benefit of the doubt. But after seeing this for three years, the guilt was eating me alive. I couldn’t let this go. I had to tell someone. So I took this matter to the Neighborhood Watch.”
Head of the Neighborhood Watch, Jim Weller, was interviewed briefly on his thoughts, however, this report was unable to include the profanities stated so some words are replaced with helpful hints.
To paraphrase Weller: “The Nelsons are a [rhymes with ducking] disgrace. Those [rhymes with tons of witches] have it coming. If I see their sorry [rhymes with passes], I’ll give them a piece of my [rhymes with gnawed-ham] mind. ”
Many neighbors were in disbelief and the neighborhood kids felt deeply betrayed. In at least four cases, children and one adult fell physically-ill upon hearing this news. Mothers were also outraged at the fact that innocent children were falsely accused for the emptiness of the bowl. Numerous moms protested that the Nelsons damaged the integrity of their kids.
Of course the real question circulating is, “why did the Nelsons do this?”
When briefly questioned as to what caused the couple leave out an empty bowl, Mr. Nelson angrily replied, “We don’t have to explain ourselves to anybody…” and remorselessly added, “…We’re not sorry we did it. We’re just sorry we got caught.” Mr. Nelson then proceeded to spit onto the camera.
On the other hand, Mrs. Nelson appeared very distraught and fidgety. She answered, “W-what? The kids took the candy…the kids. I always buy candy…Always! W-where else could it have gone?” (Let it be noted that as Mrs. Nelson gave this response she had visible chocolate remnants on her face along with chocolate smudged on her blouse.)
Since the Nelsons technically did nothing wrong, no legal actions can actually be taken against the couple. Although, there are reports from supermarkets and convenient stores of tweens buying a stifling amount of toilet paper and eggs for this upcoming Halloween than in past years. Jim Weller was even documented as handing out large wads of cash to kids entering the grocery store. Even though there is no official confirmation, it is speculated that the Nelsons’ house will be directly targeted. In response, the Nelsons have already requested a police car stay watch outside their home on the night of October, 31st. The town sheriffs denied this request with no further comment.
-Mary Lavelle, Contributor