COLUMBUS, OH – Ignoring the profound cultural and musical impact he has made with songs like “Like a Rolling Stone” and “Blowing Wind,” the Ohio Union Activities Board failed to book Bob Dylan for the Welcome Back Concert to be held Sept. 2 at the Schottenstein Center. “We scrambled to get Kesha at the last minute, and we thought she was a great back-up choice,” said OUAB spokesman Andrew Moore, responding to a furious Bob Dylan fan account on Twitter. “Bringing Bob Dylan to campus would have been a great reminder to students that Dylan isn’t dead. But, really, Dylan is only 72, and he’s got about 15 more good touring years left.” There is still a chance Dylan could headline the concert, however. “Anyone who wakes up on Sept. 2 feeling like P. Diddy and brushes their teeth with a bottle of Jack can steal the show.”