Officer Snaps paced back and forth in the tiny cell. His greenish brown shell contrasted the coral blue tint of the walls. Jeremy Lions, who was illuminated solely by a single light dangling from the ceiling, followed the officer’s pace with his eyes. They had been glaring at each other for almost twenty minutes when Officer Snaps finally cracked.
“Damn it,” he screamed as he slammed his colossal claws on the table in front of Jeremy. “Why won’t you just confess?”
“Look, as I already explained to you twice, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was scuba diving with my friends when you—you things swarmed us. I can’t help you with whatever your problem is and I don’t belong here,” Jeremy pleaded.
“Enough! We know you did it,’ screamed the officer. “We have a testimony from the victim herself. Bring in Miss Tentenfisch,” he barked into his walkie-talkie. The steel door opposite of the table unlatched and a lady octopus pulled herself into the room.
“That’s him,” she screamed in terror. “That’s the land walker that made me blush!” She burst into tears as she backed herself into the corner, putting maximum distance between her and Jeremy.
“This is ridiculous,” exclaimed Jeremy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Jeremy exhaled, physically exhausted. “Wait, did she say blush? I’m here because I made an octopus blush?”
“You’re damn right you’re here because you made this octopus—this fine lady—blush. That’s a serious crime here under the seas,” roared Officer Snaps as he snapped his claws in Jeremy’s face. “Now confess so I can go home and you can get the punishment you deserve.”
“What? How could I make her blush? That doesn’t even make sense.”
“You bastard,” screamed the officer. “Confess immediately or face the wrath of a thousand tides!” Mrs. Tentenfisch let out a wail.
Suddenly the door burst open. “Stop the interrogation,” Agent Tuna shouted. “Our investigation is complete. We know why the octopus blushed.” The room was filled with deafening silence except for the sound of Officer Snaps nervously clicking his claws.
“She blushed because she saw the bottom of the Ocean.”
-RG Barton, Contributor