If Full House had no Ashley
The show would be trashy
And I would blame you,
Mary Kate
If I stubbed my toe
And my blood did flow
It must be your fault,
Mary Kate
If I heard a baby cry
I would look it in the eye
And blame you,
Mary Kate
If a bus crashed
With 43 people smashed
You were certainly the driver,
Mary Kate
If the President were shot
And his legacy forgot
I would blame you,
Mary Kate
If the stock market collapsed
Even without all the facts
You are to blame,
Mary Kate
If the world were doomed
I would wholeheartedly assume
It was your fault,
Mary Kate
You’re the worse twin,
You’re a has been,
I think you suck,
Mary Kate
P.S.
Why won’t you respond to my letters?
Why won’t you love me?
–Brian Hribar, Contributor