PORTLAND, OREGON—Taking a long drag of his American Spirit, local taxpayer burden and self-proclaimed “freedom fighter” Zeke Mulligan wrote to Santa asking that he, “make everyone, like, super chill with each other.” “I just want everyone to like, sit back and be like, ‘you’re a person, I’m a person, let’s just like… be people together ya know? Santa knows that and I bet these people will figure that out too,’” Mulligan said as he nursed his young marijuana plants underneath the grow lights in his shag carpet-lined apartment. “I bet Santa can just like… get the Isreals and the Palestines and all those religions together and just have them like… pass the pipe, ya know? They both got guys with beards, like Santa’s got a beard he can do it.” At press time, Mulligan was sharing his message of world peace with his inappropriately cornrowed girlfriend who calls herself “Rosepetal.”