For Stav
NEW YORK CITY- A new release from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia have put a name to the terrible pandemic sweeping the world. Felis catsuss is a rapid spreading airborne disease that has been disproportionally affecting the male population. “Felis catsuss, based on the scientific name for the common household cat, is a disease that transforms those infected into various species of cats,” said Katherine Lyon-Daniel, a CDC spokesperson. “We have yet to determine what causes an individual to become a certain species, but we believe that it correlates to the genes already at work in the body.” Lyon-Daniel than grabbed her water squirt bottle and handed the conference over to the top scientist on the case, Michael J. Beach. “The new disease is supposedly linked to the Y chromosome found only in biological males.” Beach was quoted as saying shortly before he sprouted a tail and ears and crawled out of the conference room. Unfortunately, our station has been hit hard by the pandemic and are being forced to cancel the 24-hour news cycle until interviews for new female employees can be completed. We really need more women in this industry, and in every industry.
-Hannah Wagner, Staff Member