For Hannah Wagner
Nov. 23
Dear Diary,
You don’t know what it feels like to be living under the shadow of an older sister. I mean, you THINK you know, given how much I write about it, but you don’t know. I get all A’s and B’s on my report card, Jessica gets all A’s. I make the softball team – my freshman year! – and Mom and Dad tell me all about how Jessica played ALL the sports her first year. She’s even better at being bad than I am! I tried to sneak out one night to a friend’s party, but when I got home, my mom was awake and waiting for me, and said, “I’m just glad you didn’t end up hungover and lost in the woods like Jessica did that one time.” Jessica this, Jessica that, everything is all JESSICA!
I’m. Always. Second. Best. And I’m not going to take it anymore. I’ll make them pay attention to me. Just you wait and see.
Nov. 28
Dear Diary,
I’ve contacted the media, and they’re ready to bring camera crews to the school tomorrow. I’ve got enough ramen to fill up the sinks, but I’m not sure if the water mains will hold up the way I want them to. My delivery guy promises he has the pigs ready, sequentially numbered as requested. It was hell to get all the cash I needed to pay him – in pesos, no less – but I have my methods. The aprons and knives just arrived from Amazon today. Everything’s going according to plan.
You know, you’d be surprised what you can get away with when you call it “performance art”. I certainly was.
Nov. 29 (part 1)
Dear Diary,
Honestly, I’m nervous. I have no idea how I’ll handle being in the limelight. It’s the one thing you can’t practice, you know? The only way is to do it. But I’m going to do it, and I’m going to earn the respect I’ve been wanting.
Deep breaths. They’re just pigs. No big deal.
Nov. 29 (part 2)
DIARY:
OH MY FUCKING GOD I’M SO ANGRY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
OKAY. OKAY. Okay. Let me explain.
My mom always watches the news, so I knew she’d see it. I was ready for it – acting all cool like I would be surprised when it came up. What do you think came up first?
Go on, take a guess. I’ll wait.
…
IT WAS JESSICA. OF COURSE, IT WAS. Turns out they only agreed to cover me because of a regional arts competition that they assumed I was in, and OF COURSE Jessica was in, and OF COURSE, she got an award AND AN INTERVIEW. And get this, okay: My mom calls Jessica down to celebrate and all that, and while what little bit they did use of my whole thing MOM WAS TURNED AWAY FROM THE TV!
All that blood. All those noodles. For nothing.