Bad with words? Thinking that a good grunt or a click of the tongue could serve you better with women at bars? Well, we here at The Sundial wish you all the best with your newfound technique for picking up bar skanks. And in a show of solidarity, we have compiled the top sounds that definitely, 100%, should never be used as pickup lines.

  1. Unraveling duct tape
  2. An uncovered cough
  3. The click of a camera phone
  4. Burping the alphabet
  5. Heavy breathing combined with prolonged eye contact
  6. Unzipping of pants
  7. The scratch of a pen on a notebook as you stare at them from across the room
  8. Blowing your nose
  9. Chewing popcorn with your mouth open
  10. The sound of vomit when you’re too nervous to even make a noise
  11. Loading a gun
  12. The sound of a cracking whip
  13. Smacking of bubblegum
  14. Beatboxing
  15. The sound of a head as it hits the basket in an 18th-century French execution
  16. The “spyew” in old westerns when the bad guy’s spit hits the spittoon
  17. Cracking knuckles by lacing your fingers together. Ya know, the way that only tough guys in cartoons can crack their knuckles?
  18. That trickle as pee hits the side of the bar at about 2 am
  19. Sniffling

There we go! Now go out there and get some, “uhhhh”, women to love and cherish forever

–Connor Rigney, Staff Member