Expressing impatience and confusion, Americans are starting to wonder when President Obama is going to finally just send some troops to indefinitely occupy Syria. “I just thought that was our thing,” Hartford, Connecticut resident Susan Hayworth said. “It’s like, if we’re not going to invade Syria, then what are we going to invade?” Many people are starting to wonder why they have not seen any recent news footage of U.S. personnel carriers scanning Syrian roads for IEDs or heartfelt high resolution pictures of a U.S. soldier holding hands with an orphaned Syrian boy.
The President’s approval ratings are starting to drop over this continued lack of firm American involvement. “Just give the people what they want,” Doug Newman of Peoria, Illinois told reporters, “I want to know that if at any time in the next ten or twelve years I want to watch a confusing, irresolvable conflict going on, all I have to do is turn on the TV.” Newman continued, “This is simple stuff.”
Many Americans are noting that the conflict in Syria is complex, fragile and would be a great place for the U.S. to invade. Deborah Gladwell, a stay-at-home mother from Waco, Texas told reporters, “I don’t understand why Obama hasn’t made any definite action yet, Syria is unstable, and it has multiple factions that are difficult to ally with; it would almost definitely lead to a long, indecisive military occupation.” Gladwell added, “It has ‘U.S. Invasion’ written all over it.”
Historians are also concerned about this lack of involvement; many are saying that continuous American supervision of the Middle East is only natural. “If we look at this opportunity in a historical context, it would not make sense for us to not act upon it,” said Dr. Dale Werner, head of Notre Dame’s American History Department, “Not invading Syria would, in an essence, blemish the continuity of our national narrative.” Werner continued, “We cannot abandon tradition.”
Even now, American news outlets are stating that they are ready to fully cover U.S. intervention in the Syrian rebellion and that the only thing in the way is that there has yet to be any. Promotional staff members from CNN have stated that, “If there continues to be no U.S. action in Syria, then we are going to shoot a fictional news series that shows troops in Syria.” The series, which is still tentative in nature would feature a lovable group of Marines that just want to go home and stop dealing with an irresolute conflict that continues ad infinitum. “It’s what viewers want.” Added a staff member.
Others who are against U.S. involvement say that an American presence would only propagate more rebel activity. As they were saying this, however, they realized that that would make for a great mechanism to create a continuous, indefinite, pretzel-like war and it would be hard to pass up on having such a steady go-nowhere conflict to hear about regularly. “I used to be an anti war and isolationism nutcase,” Doug Adams of Spokane, Washington told reporters, “but when I really started to think about how most of my adult life has had an irresolvable Middle Eastern war as a subtle backdrop, I realized that invading Syria is our best bet moving forward.” Added Adams, “I actually can’t imagine what it would be like for us not to do it.”
-Cameron Bradford, Contributor