For those who hate fall, but still want to fit in.
- Columbus Day caroling. It should be noted that there are currently no popular songs about Columbus
- Novemberpole festival—the spiritual cousin to the Maypole festival. This event differs by involving only one ribbon and a bunch of poles.
- Making butternut squash angels—like making snow angels, but messy, unsatisfying, inefficient, expensive and somehow more pointless.
- Celebrating Independence Day in October—fireworks, barbeques… all taking place after the equinox. There’s no wrong time to be patriotic.
- Turkey egg hunts
- Autumn swimming—just like normal swimming, but less comfortable.
- Going on hay rides, this is already a fall activity, we just re-re-appropriated it.
- Catching falling leaves on your tongue—nothing brings back the innocence and simplicity of childhood like letting a big ol’ rouge maple leaf land in or around your mouth cavity.
- Eating ice cream—surprisingly few people know that ice cream (traditionally a summer treat) is sold year round.
- Having a late-November, Christmas-esque family meal with fall-themed food, like pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce and turkey stuffing.
- Pumpkin seed spitting competition
- Do whatever you want. Why are you reading a humor magazine for guidance on how to live your life? You’re a dynamic, autonomous individual, but right now you’re really coming off as a witless follower of whatever’s in your peripherals. Stop reading this, go outside and live your life with a little self respect.
-Cameron Bradford, Contributor