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President Johnson to Create Fastpass System for RPAC Lifting Racks

RPAC, COLUMBUS — After sending all of her administrators for a three-week, all inclusive trip to DisneyWorld, President Johnson announces her latest action to help address overload at the RPAC free weights station. Announced in a press conference today, the… Continue Reading →

Buckeye Alert Notifies Students that Queen Elizabeth II Has Passed

COLUMBUS, OH — At 3:14 AM late last night, students at The Ohio State University received a notification that Queen Elizabeth II had died in Scotland. “Buckeye Alert – Columbus Campus, Queen Elizabeth has passed,” the message read. “International Students… Continue Reading →

NCAA Records Show NO Proof That George Santos Played QB During 2010 Ohio State Season

According to a recent article from ESPN, newly elected representative George Santos (R-NY), did not in fact play quarterback for Ohio State during the 2010-11 football season. Suspicions surrounding the claim came after Santos’ remarks during an interview with former… Continue Reading →

McCarthy Loses Thirteenth Straight Bid For OSU President

After a tumultuous past 72 hours, the Ohio State University House of Representatives (commonly referred to as the ‘Nut House’) has yet to elect a successor for outgoing president Kristina. M. Johnson. Conservative frontrunner, Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) was expected to… Continue Reading →

Acclaimed Twitter Account @OSUCrush Debunked as Jimmy Sotos’s Burner Account

The pants on Ohio State University’s campus has gone dry with the disappearance of the once notorious Twitter account @OSUCrush following Elon Musk’s discovery of never having been featured. The account was officially disbanded on March 26th, 2022, an immense… Continue Reading →

Southwest Airlines Falls Victim to the Triple-Demic

The triple-demic, Southwest’s shorthand for the wintertime culmination of the flu, RSV (really stormy vacations), and software meltdowns, has reportedly infected Southwest Airlines, resulting in a cancellation of 80% of their flights on the busiest travel week of the year…. Continue Reading →

Shocker! Resolution Lasts For Two Minutes

Well that was quick. OSU Sophomore Trey Turner has already broken his New Year’s Resolution. And it wasn’t even a hard one either. Turner, who is lactose intolerant, said that for the entire year of 2023 he would never consume… Continue Reading →

Protect your Dorm from Holiday Intruders!

Are you home for Winter break? Are you concerned about leaving your dorm room completely unprotected? If you’re not worried, you should be! According to University-released statistics, over 90% of dorm rooms are broken into over the holiday season –… Continue Reading →

Mitch McConnell and Mariah Carey Both Found Dead at 68 Years Old

WARNING: All content on this site is produced for comedic purposes. Any similarities to persons’ real or fiction are comedic and often untrue. It is never The Sundial Humor Magazine’s intent to offend. The words you read on this site… Continue Reading →

5 Last Minute Gifts for Your Mother

Well, you’re in college now, and that means you can no longer scratch your name on your older brother’s card to his half-ass gift to your mother. She’s paying for your college tuition, and now she expects something nice and… Continue Reading →

Sundial’s 100% Accurate December Horoscope

Aquarium (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Your least-favorite professor is secretly plotting your downfall. Pizza (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20) Next semester, an armed coup will make you President of the University. Arby’s (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19) The FBI… Continue Reading →

Grubhub Slug Giveaway Leaves Students Slimy and Confused

A new promotion across campus restaurants has students feeling queasy, and this time it’s not because of the food. Grubhub’s “grab some grub, take home a slug” promotion rolled out on campus early last week to overwhelmingly negative results. As… Continue Reading →

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