Author The Sundial

I heard that when you were in high school, you didn’t have a lot of friends, so you resorted to eating lunch in the bathroom stall to avoid the embarrassment of sitting alone. But you’re not the only one who… Continue Reading →

Thursday night, sometime from 11:18 to 11:34, every single week, without fail. I’m lying in my bed, parched as a leopard in the dry African football off-season, when my roommate climbs down from his top bunk, to go relieve himself… Continue Reading →

Created by Zach Levy, Treasurer 

It was the summer of ‘08: Bush was bombing Iraq, Fall Out Boy was on the radio, and golden showers reigned supreme in my suburban neighborhood. The days were strange, indeed. Looking back, however, Romantic zoomer summers have perhaps been… Continue Reading →

Welcome back to the horoscope page! Astrology is often looked down upon, but The Sundial has yet to get a prediction wrong. This issue’s special edition has it all, so find your sign and learn a little something about which… Continue Reading →

Everyone is for saving the Bees Large bodies of water are named after C People are totally fine with saying “I love U” and do it very often. People exclaim O whenever they learn something, or tell time, or begin… Continue Reading →

I need help. Like, right now. It has recently come to my attention that I do not know the difference between pee and tomatoes. I always thought they were the same thing, but apparently they’re not. I mean, they’re two… Continue Reading →

It’s no secret that American morality is in turmoil; church attendance for 18-25-year-olds is at an all time low, homosexuals are marrying each other, and my nephew Kevin’s new girlfriend is Irish. We have strayed far from the great Judeo-Christian… Continue Reading →

“It’s good piss,” 1st year political science major Peter Bloomberg remarked as he downed an entire cup of slightly yellow water. “Good piss-water, I mean.” Ever since university dining services introduced banana water, it has been open season in regards… Continue Reading →

GARY, INDIANA — The first farmers’ market of the year kicked off to an unsavory start as the proprietor of “Dave’s Proud Pee Emporium” severely misunderstood the farmers’ market’s typical goods and services. “I thought I could make a quick… Continue Reading →

We all know him; we all love him. Mike Bloomberg 2020. What if I told you that Mike Bloomberg, the wealthy former mayor of NYC, is the center of a HUGE CONTROVERSY– one that would SINK his UNSINKABLE campaign?? We… Continue Reading →