This piece is brought to you by the very idea of happiness. The very idea of happiness– eluding you since the beginning of 7th grade. This piece is brought to you by that large spider just above your left shoulder…. Continue Reading →
Washington DC – In a shocking memo released by the FBI earlier this morning, Texas Senator Ted Cruz was revealed to not be the Zodiac Killer, despite public belief and the overwhelming evidence of having the face that he has…. Continue Reading →
The streets are alive with the sound of music as local student Kyle Addams gifted the homeless with the greatest way to discreetly listen to their favorite jams. “One time, I had to do volunteer hours for some stupid scholarship… Continue Reading →
Dear Amy, Back in January 2019, and I couldn’t have been happier to welcome in a new year. Being back home for break was relaxing, but I couldn’t wait to get back to campus and reunite with my college friends…. Continue Reading →
A Columbus apartment complex was destroyed late last night in an explosion set off by one of its four now-deceased residents. A witness in a neighboring building alerted authorities after hearing the explosion and discovering the apartment in ruins. The… Continue Reading →
Our truth-seekers are always on the prowl for more government secrets, and they’ve recently turned up with an undercover audio recording that shows President Trump’s dealings with the supernatural. Below is a transcript of Trump admitting to shady actions: (Sarah… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS, OH-Every college student knows that taking a Literature GE course means one thing; being at the academic mercy of a 28-year-old white guy in Mona Lisa socks. In one of the deepest crevices of Denney Hall, this seemingly innocuous… Continue Reading →
Technological advancement exposes titties In the year 1969, celebrated astronaut and beloved Ohioan Neil Armstrong emerged from Apollo 11 and took his first steps on the surface of the moon. It was at that moment when Armstrong uttered the words… Continue Reading →
This past week, our campus saw a massive cultural reform which was spearheaded by local student Austin Baker. “It all started when I realized I’ve been calling everybody ‘dude’ regardless of their actual gender,” he told us in an exclusive… Continue Reading →
Dear Government, You think u can cover this up? 9/11 was clearly an outside job and the internet is a liar. Here is why I am correct and Geroge bush is my friend. Exhibit A: The Plane was outside the… Continue Reading →
I’m pretty sure I’m going to screw over my friend. It’s been on my mind a lot lately, and I dunno it just feels like something I would do? He’s a nice enough guy, and I guess we’re pretty tight… Continue Reading →
We all know that “climate change” is a hoax made up by liberals to ruin American industry. BUT, on the off chance that climate change is “real,” we’ve gotta save the earth. Because if the planet dies, industry dies too!… Continue Reading →
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