From: Dr. Melissa Shivers, Senior Vice President for Student Life RE: Doc’s Download – New university policy regarding student absences Dear Students, I hope you had a Scarlet and Great start to Spring Semester, and are fully rested and recharged… Continue Reading →
Following Congress’ formal declaration of war against Russia earlier this week, President Biden announced that he would be deploying ten thousand troops from the Ohio National Guard to Ukraine’s Donbas region. The action was condemned by the United Nations, which… Continue Reading →
RPAC, COLUMBUS — After sending all of her administrators for a three-week, all inclusive trip to DisneyWorld, President Johnson announces her latest action to help address overload at the RPAC free weights station. Announced in a press conference today, the… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS, OH — At 3:14 AM late last night, students at The Ohio State University received a notification that Queen Elizabeth II had died in Scotland. “Buckeye Alert – Columbus Campus, Queen Elizabeth has passed,” the message read. “International Students… Continue Reading →
According to a recent article from ESPN, newly elected representative George Santos (R-NY), did not in fact play quarterback for Ohio State during the 2010-11 football season. Suspicions surrounding the claim came after Santos’ remarks during an interview with former… Continue Reading →
After a tumultuous past 72 hours, the Ohio State University House of Representatives (commonly referred to as the ‘Nut House’) has yet to elect a successor for outgoing president Kristina. M. Johnson. Conservative frontrunner, Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) was expected to… Continue Reading →
The pants on Ohio State University’s campus has gone dry with the disappearance of the once notorious Twitter account @OSUCrush following Elon Musk’s discovery of never having been featured. The account was officially disbanded on March 26th, 2022, an immense… Continue Reading →
The triple-demic, Southwest’s shorthand for the wintertime culmination of the flu, RSV (really stormy vacations), and software meltdowns, has reportedly infected Southwest Airlines, resulting in a cancellation of 80% of their flights on the busiest travel week of the year…. Continue Reading →
Are you home for Winter break? Are you concerned about leaving your dorm room completely unprotected? If you’re not worried, you should be! According to University-released statistics, over 90% of dorm rooms are broken into over the holiday season –… Continue Reading →
Aquarium (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18) Your least-favorite professor is secretly plotting your downfall. Pizza (Feb. 19 – Mar. 20) Next semester, an armed coup will make you President of the University. Arby’s (Mar. 21 – Apr. 19) The FBI… Continue Reading →
A new promotion across campus restaurants has students feeling queasy, and this time it’s not because of the food. Grubhub’s “grab some grub, take home a slug” promotion rolled out on campus early last week to overwhelmingly negative results. As… Continue Reading →
Earlier this week, Ohio State Campus Police announced they had raided the headquarters of student newspaper The Lantern. In a prepared statement they revealed that an anonymous tip prompted the raid, which resulted in the arrests of several Lantern staff… Continue Reading →
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