I need help. Like, right now. It has recently come to my attention that I do not know the difference between pee and tomatoes. I always thought they were the same thing, but apparently they’re not. I mean, they’re two… Continue Reading →
It’s no secret that American morality is in turmoil; church attendance for 18-25-year-olds is at an all time low, homosexuals are marrying each other, and my nephew Kevin’s new girlfriend is Irish. We have strayed far from the great Judeo-Christian… Continue Reading →
“It’s good piss,” 1st year political science major Peter Bloomberg remarked as he downed an entire cup of slightly yellow water. “Good piss-water, I mean.” Ever since university dining services introduced banana water, it has been open season in regards… Continue Reading →
GARY, INDIANA — The first farmers’ market of the year kicked off to an unsavory start as the proprietor of “Dave’s Proud Pee Emporium” severely misunderstood the farmers’ market’s typical goods and services. “I thought I could make a quick… Continue Reading →
We all know him; we all love him. Mike Bloomberg 2020. What if I told you that Mike Bloomberg, the wealthy former mayor of NYC, is the center of a HUGE CONTROVERSY– one that would SINK his UNSINKABLE campaign?? We… Continue Reading →
It’s every girl’s dream to have someone tell her that she is exactly like the American Girl Doll she possesses. Whether you had Felicity or Josefina, Kit or Kirsten, you craved the validation of seeming similar to the doll that… Continue Reading →
Went into the boys’ bathroom once in third grade on accident Heelys are things that I have never owned Yearbook pictures: regrettable I was actually cool and everyone was just jealous Grew bangs, cut them myself Only kid… Continue Reading →
A recent investigation conducted by The Sundial has confirmed suspicions that local bully Sam Coller, the kid who called your kid a “2% milk-drinking coward,” is not acting out because of any concealed suffering in other parts of his life… Continue Reading →
I love getting bullied. It’s one of my favorite pastimes. Name calling? Constant criticism? Getting pushed down stairs? It doesn’t bother me even a little bit. In fact, I seek out opportunities to get bullied. It brings me pleasure when… Continue Reading →
Thousands of Americans are facing the grim prospect of unemployment as the Tik-Tokking, avocado-toasting, and rent-starved Millennials take down yet another great pillar of American industry: bullying. “The act of bullying someone requires your victim to have some semblance of… Continue Reading →
The dunce cap — the universal symbol of stupidity, the widely recognized signifier of shameful unintelligence, the preferred head apparel of idiots everywhere. The image of a brainless nobody in a tall, pointy hat has long been mocked and criticized… Continue Reading →
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