Dear Amy, Back in January 2019, and I couldn’t have been happier to welcome in a new year. Being back home for break was relaxing, but I couldn’t wait to get back to campus and reunite with my college friends…. Continue Reading →
Our truth-seekers are always on the prowl for more government secrets, and they’ve recently turned up with an undercover audio recording that shows President Trump’s dealings with the supernatural. Below is a transcript of Trump admitting to shady actions: (Sarah… Continue Reading →
Technological advancement exposes titties In the year 1969, celebrated astronaut and beloved Ohioan Neil Armstrong emerged from Apollo 11 and took his first steps on the surface of the moon. It was at that moment when Armstrong uttered the words… Continue Reading →
Dear Government, You think u can cover this up? 9/11 was clearly an outside job and the internet is a liar. Here is why I am correct and Geroge bush is my friend. Exhibit A: The Plane was outside the… Continue Reading →
We all know that “climate change” is a hoax made up by liberals to ruin American industry. BUT, on the off chance that climate change is “real,” we’ve gotta save the earth. Because if the planet dies, industry dies too!… Continue Reading →
If you’ve been alive at all these past few months, then you’ll know about the demonization of plastic straws. So called “environmental organizations” and “unbiased media reports” have been warning about the impact that discarded plastic straws can have on… Continue Reading →
Want to yell at your little shithead kids for some banal nonsense that they did, but too afraid to cause a scene at Aunt Jan’s vegan-friendly tofurkey dinner? Well then, we have the tool for you. Just follow our simple… Continue Reading →
by Daryl Rockefeller It all started today when I was about to go to work and was trying to figure out where to leave my step-kid Derek while I slave away at the Chase Bank on High Street. To my… Continue Reading →
by Tobias “Baby Buck” Cline When I came home from junior high on a frigid fall day in 1977, I never expected that the new boyfriend my mom wanted to introduce to me would be the 1975 iteration of Brutus… Continue Reading →
Love season is here, and you know what that means. It’s time for Brandon and Hayleigh to accidentally bring a lot more meaning to the date November 14th 2019 than they had ever intended. The culture of the heterosexual bedroom… Continue Reading →
It was a drizzly Tuesday. I still remember the smooth sound of his voice as he said, “We haven’t hung out in SO LONG! We should go to Starbucks.” I, knowing no better, stupidly agreed. Why would a friend who… Continue Reading →
I’m a hopeless gambling addict, but I’m an even more hopeless romantic. Here are some dating apps that my bookie recommended, to raise my odds of finding love: 1. Ghostr This dating app saves busy betters like me from the… Continue Reading →
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