Help! Anyone! My almonds are wrong. Listen now as I sing you my song. Almonds in the oven, I placed on a tray. I opened the door and was full of dismay! My almonds, it seemed, had some kind of… Continue Reading →
To the Man That Used the Stall Before Me: Please let this letter serve as an official warning for your behavior. Never before have I been so utterly shocked at the manner in which a toilet has been used. Generally,… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS—I-71 N., E. Hudson Street is temporarily closed this afternoon, April 26th, due to a large tree obstructing the highway entrance ramp. It remains unclear how long the ramp will be closed. A service vehicle is present on the scene,… Continue Reading →
The Orphan Industry is in peril, and the root cause is undeniably millennials. Over the past 20 years, there’s been a drastic drop in Orphanage popularity, and the only group to blame is this massive and fertile generation of the… Continue Reading →
Let’s be real: you know exactly where this article is going. I could give you context, but that wouldn’t do anything to assuage the visceral thought of that bushy mustache chomping down on a PhleshyPhallus™. Let’s just say the jig… Continue Reading →
The Olentangy Trail is amuck today as students of all standings violently respond to a press release made today by the Olentangy River Restoration Project: “We’ve finished our study, and the geese are just fucking up the river too much…. Continue Reading →
HOLLYWOOD–The recent downturn of economic events has wreaked havoc on hard-working citizens all across America. With the stock market being the way it is (bad) and layoffs occurring at nearly every business, many Americans are struggling to get by. One… Continue Reading →
Just the other week I walked into the most dangerous store around – Yankee Candle. You know you’ve found an evil company when you can walk into the store and instantly become buzzed from the scentsory overload that is Yankee… Continue Reading →
Written by XxXtumblrDaddyPwenisUwUXxX 1951, Manhattan: Daddy Einstein turns on his thicc time portal and sashays into The Past. He is chasing true love. Cut to 1850, Galapagos Islands: Darwin Senpai is inside his sexy office, writing down his smart observations of animals. There is a… Continue Reading →
CAIRO, EGYPT—Experiencing the humility and wonder of Africa is ravishing, especially when you take the time to get horned up on the back of a camel. “The friction of his hearty hump was almost too much to handle” moans Pam… Continue Reading →
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