My friend Danny Bass recently pitched me a concept for a new musical entitled “BIBBITY BOBBITY BREAST.” It follows a young man trying to find the identity of his father once he finds out his conception entailed his mother eating… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS — A new study conducted by the Ohio State University Department of Psychology has resulted in groundbreaking insights regarding CrossFit and why its participants feel obligated to tell every living entity in earshot all about it. Similar to previous… Continue Reading →
The first few OSU football games have come and gone, which gives us a fine chance to look at the latest crop of inebriates that we’re so very proud to call Buckeyes. Your intrepid reporter took to the streets to… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS — Lime and Bird motorized scooters have recently taken over Ohio State’s campus, where one can be found on almost every corner. However, due to bad parking and street clutter, the city of Columbus has released restrictions on the… Continue Reading →
You’ve tried the McRib and you’ve lined up for the Szechuan sauce, but this week, McDonald’s unveiled their viral creation: the McCain, an All-American burger for All-American white men, featuring a signature grill mark in the shape of Senator John… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS — Upon returning to campus, many Ohio State students’ dreams came true when the legendary Mirror Lake, a campus icon, was reopened to the public eye and restored to its former glory after its lengthy renovation process. The new… Continue Reading →
Starting this semester at random, The Ohio State University will begin a new construction project that calls for a chain-link fence to border the entirety of campus and every single building imaginable. This means any persons on campus at the… Continue Reading →
Dear Amy, I’ve always been a fitness buff. I love going to the university gym. My workouts are my me time. But every year around this time my sweaty sanctuary becomes swamped with new Freshman newbies and old out of… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS – After over 10 hours of deliberation, The Ohio State Board of Trustees and Michael V. Drake have decided to place Head Coach Urban Meyer in timeout for three minutes. “I agree with and respect the decision of the… Continue Reading →
COLUMBUS—A new survey put out today by the Lantern reveals that 8 out of 10 OSU English professors teach novels that you’ve never heard of and can’t bother to pronounce in order to prove the superiority of the English department…. Continue Reading →
The Sundial decided it was about time they had a horoscope section. So, they tasked one of their esteemed writers with the assignment. Unfortunately, she was unable to finish the piece. Shown here are her words with some of the… Continue Reading →
Just kidding, this is an intervention. Pale-Person-Reading-This, I want you to know that I care for you and I respect you. As a fellow pale person, I feel a special bond between us where we can understand what it’s like… Continue Reading →
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