COLUMBUS, OH – Students were shocked to find out Monday morning that the bronze statue in front of Thompson Library has actually been a street performer this entire time. The Sundial was able to catch up with the performer in question, who has been identified as Jim Ricketts.

“Frankly, I’m surprised it took you guys so damn long,” Ricketts grumbled. “When I first decided to lather myself in metallic paint, I thought it was only going to be a semester until someone would figure out my little prank. I mean, one day you’re on that podium and it’s 1930, and the next thing you know it’s 2022. I dodged the World War 2 draft by standing up there! Crazy.”

Ricketts, who will turn 108 in May, was caught early Sunday afternoon. “It was a rare moment of weakness,” he explained. “A large gust of wind knocked me over; it was like nothing I had ever experienced in my 92 years of service. I tried to play it off, but it was too late. I simply did not fall rigidly enough to sell the illusion that I was made of bronze. Once I used my arms to soften the blow, I knew it was over.”

In response to this developing story, Ohio State pleaded ignorance. Maurice Hopkins, a longtime university spokesperson, claims to be just as surprised as the students. “Honestly, we thought it was a Stonehenge type of situation. That thing just showed up one day out of the blue. Some of my colleagues believed it was the work of aliens, but I’ve never been one to buy into such nonsense. I always fell more on the ‘witches’ side of the debate. Regardless, the university is glad that it can now stop chasing leads and begin the process of shuttering its Department of Otherworldly Affairs.”

Despite such an anticlimactic end to his reign, Ricketts maintains that his prank will remain “totally hilarious” for years to come. “Sure, you guys caught me, but the psychological impact of this stunt will linger for eternity. Students will never look at statues the same way again. Is that Brutus statue in The Union really a statue, or another one of my tricks? I’ll always be one step ahead of you!”

It was at this point in the interview that Ricketts threw an unidentified object at the ground and disappeared into a thick cloud of smoke.

-By Bryant S., Staff Writer