Written by Macayla Childs and Reilly Ackermann
Earlier this week, God appeared in Derby Hall as sheinterfered in what can only be called the best case of divine intervention since OSU beat Notre Dame a few weeks back.
While in the midst of arguing that “Maybe income inequality wouldn’t be such a huuuuge thing if people pulled themselves up by their bootstraps”, a first-year Political Science major from New Jersey was struck by a large flash.
A sweeping boom was heard emanating throughout the room as students turned to see that their classmate was nothing but a mere pile of ash, as a divine figure stood over the scene of the incident.
Students described seeing a glowing, mulleted figure wearing pre-distressed Carhart work pants that her lack of a blue-collar job certainly does not necessitate. Masc Lesbian God announced, “If he wants to advocate for the Devil so much, why doesn’t he just go be with him then!?!”
Many atheists in the class praised this act of God, one student saying, “I never really bought into all that religious mumbo-jumbo, but this might just be enough to make a believer out of me.”
The local chapter of the H2O Church noted a large influx in membership the following Sunday stating, “We just feel so blessed to receive all of our new members! We welcome all of you with open arms despite your dyed hair and nose piercings.”
Perhaps the Devil’s Advocate’s fall from grace was not fully in vain, though. It is reported that members of the late student’s discord server have now hailed him as their involuntary celibate form of the Virgin Mary.