On the evening of Sunday, February 4th, the world shook to its core at the announcement that singer-songwriter Taylor Swift would release her 11th studio album, The Tortured Poets Department. The Ohio State University was not spared from this frenzy, as an exclusive Sundial investigation found that the announcement triggered the awakening of hundreds of hidden superfans across the University District. Our investigative journalists immediately took to the streets of Columbus to find these members of Taylor Nation.
We began our investigation on Chittenden Avenue, known for its burning couches and vivid student life. It did not take our journalists long before finding a student with a “Bid Day” t-shirt jamming out to ATWTMVFTVTV. After communicating in Airpod Sign Language, they finally got something other than lyrics from the student.
“I’ve literally been waiting for this moment my entire life,” the student said, self-identifying as a new sorority member. “I spent my entire tuition refund to get tickets for the Eras Tour. This time I’m picking my least favorite kidney to sell.”
She then proceeded to invite the Sundialers inside her sorority house, where they found dozens of additional Swifties in one compact place. One of them, wearing a custom t-shirt with Taylor Swift lyrics, took our journalists to her room, which was decorated down to the inch with Taylor Swift regalia and custom furniture inspired by Evermore.
“I can’t wait for April 19th. That’s exactly two days before my Ochem final, but Taylor is more important than a passing grade,” she said. “My strict pomodoro technique calendar can take a backseat to streaming TTPD, of course!”
Upon the breaking of the news at the Grammys, RAs across campus reported a spike in noise complaints solely from the screams of excitement and audible phone calls to other Swifties. The OSU PD non-emergency line became unreachable for several hours from the high demand, causing several real issues on campus to go unaddressed throughout Sunday night.
“We got a bunch of calls within the last 60 minutes about noise disturbances,” stated an officer, whom we spotted sitting inside an ‘OSU Police Department’ cruiser listening to Bad Blood. “We usually have procedures for things like this. But I never expected to face 125 decibels of Anti-Hero from across campus.”
OSU PD, however, did not expect the line already forming around the Schottenstein Center for tickets to the second Eras Tour, yet to be announced or released. A security guard for the Schott divulged that “if the lines were this long for home games, we might finally beat Michigan in something.”
Written by Diego Phoyú and Grey Romohr